Thursday, September 1, 2011

Back to School Thoughts

I am thrilled that it is September! Only that much closer to fall and favorite seasons! I know most people hate winter. There are things I don't like about them either - icy roads and dark mornings to name a few - but for the most part, I love it! I love that you can snuggle by the fire on a Saturday afternoon and that is a legit way to spend an entire afternoon! I love wearing jeans, jackets and yoga pants - the less exposed skin the better! I love that there is a major holiday every single month (for the record, I consider Halloween a major holiday!), birthdays around every corner and our wedding anniversary. But the best thing about starts!

As a kid, I couldn't wait to go back to school. I started shopping for binders and backpacks in July! School provided - besides the obvious things (i.e. education, socialization, etc.)  a schedule, structure and a routine. I liked that. I liked the predictability. I liked knowing where I was going to be and what I was going to be doing...for the most part.

Obviously, as an adult, there is routine, structure and predictability but it isn't the same. As a kid, you know that if you are in 5th grade now, you will be in sixth grade next year. You can even predict where you will be an "eternity" down the in five years you'll be in {gulp} high school!

As an adult with children of your own, you realize how every single decision, big or small, changes what you do the next minute, the next day, the next year and so on. Routines and schedules are just anchors in ever-changing, ever-turbulent waters. The tides are always changing and we are just holding on until the next big wave hits.

Watching family and friends going back-to-school with their children has got me thinking about Grace and Charlotte. Grace will be participating in a class that meets once a week. Is that too little? Should she be around other kids her age more often? Is that too much? Should we hold onto and cherish what little time we have as a family unit without the interruption of school, activities, friends, etc.? What will it be like when Grace is gone everyday and it is just me and Charlotte? What will it be like when Charlotte is gone for the whole day and it is just me? Will they be ready? Will I be ready? Will I regret staying home? Will I regret I didn't do more during these toddler years? {Close your eyes Court.} Will I want another baby? {Ok, now you can open them! :)}

So many unknowns. So many what-ifs. I thought writing all this down would help me clear my mind and end the constant replay of what-if scenarios in my mind. Unfortunately, now I just have a knot in my stomach. So much for blog-erapy. 

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